| Liar, liar pants on fire |
[19 Jul 2009|04:20am] |
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Bewitched,bothered and bewildered |
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Started watching a fascinating series with my sister just recently -- "Lie to Me."
Premise is quite interesting. It's hinged on the "science" that people tend to unconsciously exhibit certain actions (ex. folding of arms, pouting, eye moving to the side, scratching of neck, etc) when they're lying. And it's a pattern that's been observed even in the most prominent personalities (ex. Bill Clinton, Bush, etc.). Wonder how GMA would fare if they analyzed her speeches.
...Which got me thinking about how many lies I've uttered recently. I HATE lying, but sometimes I find myself having to lie in order to avoid further damage, and because no one will get hurt anyway. Oh yes, in grade school, they call it a "white lie." I remember asking my teacher why a "white lie" is considered "bad," given that no one gets hurt. I remember she gave me two reasons -- first, because you hurt God (or more directly, you end up hurting your conscience) and second, because a white lie, no matter how small, can lead to bigger lies.
But is it really possible to succeed in the real world WITHOUT lying? Another perspective would say "you don't have to lie, just don't tell the truth" -- but isn't silence tantamount to lying in itself? You know something, yet you refuse to say it. And often times, it boils down to a "balancing of interests." Sometimes you need to keep your mouth shut to protect something, or someone. Sometimes, you just need to come up with an excuse to avoid further questions. Whatever the reason, there's always a justification, but when is a lie considered JUSTIFIED?
Honestly, I'm still straddling between this whole lie-truth thing. Admittedly, I feel guilty rather easily, and I always worry that any lie I say will boomerang back to me in the future (ie the truth will always prevail), so best to avoid such. And yet, I know that there are also realities to contend with, and these realities will be even more pressing in the future. But I am thankful for GUILT, because GUILT reminds me of what it is that I value, and I suppose that when it comes to determining whether an action is proper or not, it is these VALUES that must never be compromised.
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| Friday nights (a silly little poem) |
[09 Jul 2009|10:42pm] |
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night and day |
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friday nights, friday nights
supposed to be study nights
but sometimes (or most of the the time),
they end up as drinking nights
we all head over to the nearest wine shop or wherever our feet take us
and dance and do silly things, and laugh at summer memories
and maybe tomorrow, we'll just about go on the next big experiment:
get drunk and play lasertag or go iceskating when we're inebriated
yes, be like kids...
(and in many ways, we still ARE kids)
and so it goes, the happy melodramatic life
of awesome books, awesome friends, and awesome food
but sometimes
(or maybe a LOT of times)
i wish i could spend even just ONE friday night
with YOU---
watch a movie
grab an ice cream
finish a bottle of cava
drop those codals and go on a roadtrip
talk about everything and anything
i know i might be sending mixed signals
but so are YOU
so how shall we settle this?
or maybe i'm just playing a movie in my mind.
maybe you don't really MEAN what you SAY.
oh well, tomorrow's another day.
tomorrow's a friday.
*skips away*
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| Overthinking here we goo... |
[04 Jun 2009|12:22am] |
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Jai Ho! -PCD |
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When people are feared, they are followed. When they are followed, they become powerful. True or false?
I've been pondering on that thought for some time now and it seems that the answer, facially, would be "yes." A person who has a "mataray" disposition or who retorts at the slightest insult is someone you wouldn't want to mess with. The same goes for a bitchy boss who tells you to get the job done by 3pm tomorrow. It's either you deliver it by 3pm tomorrow, or you experience her wrath. On the other hand, a nice person who smiles all the time and gives off an "understanding" aura is someone you would like, but would you take her with the same level of seriousness as you would a strict person? Perhaps not. On the bright side, the nicer person would gain more popularity points than the strict one, but which is better?
They say coercion is necessary to get things done, and sometimes I've been tempted to go the "strict route" (few people have seen me on bitch mode but if I want to, I really could). When I look at my "leadership style" though, it seems that I've used charms more than chains (oh what a metaphor) to get things going, and I don't exactly know if that's a good or bad thing. I'd like to maintain a balance of sorts -- be friendly outside business, but when it comes to work, have a strict attitude, but sometimes I worry about coming off as schizophrenic. People pleasing has always been my sickness, and I really want to shake that off sometimes. I feel that I need to quit giving too much or being too nice because it doesn't really mesh well with practical goals. Have to learn the art of "temperamentation." haha :P
So yes, even at 24 years, I guess I'm still discovering myself -- or maybe, MAKING myself. No matter what happens, I just hope I end up making good decisions.
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| Beach and chocolate |
[02 May 2009|12:09pm] |
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Kate Walsh-Your Song |
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Boracay '09 turned out to be crazy, sexy, fun -- even better than the last time I went there.
We'd wake up at 11AM, tan under the brilliant sun, play frisbee, get a massage, chug in a couple of mojitos at Happy Hour and gorge in a variety of sumptuous food (from huge garlic-buttered prawns at Talipapa to creamy pasta at Arya's). Of course the best part was dancing and drinking like there was no tomorrow. Then again, the down side was the fact that it was all an escape from reality, and I'm glad we went home before I burned all my cash on excessive hedonism. When you get too much of the "good stuff," you cease to appreciate it, so at some point, you just have to press STOP.
The day after I arrived, all negrita and sunburned, I went to Ateneo to give a talk at Faura for Geoann's leadership class, and found myself in front of about 17 or so students, all pondering about "what they want to do in life." I hope I gave them the right advice, which was to "just keep taking risks" and "ask for signs" (speaking from experience) although at the back of my head, I didn't know how best to tell them that the questions will never really cease. Until now, even if I already have some direction, I still wonder if there is more I can do.
Then again, maybe that's precisely what makes life exciting -- the mystery of things and the magic of how they just happen, if you keep saying "yes" to what you think is good for you.
Life is like a box of chocolates indeedy, and I'm just crossing my fingers so I keep getting them nice, yummy crispy caramel ones. :P
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| On summer jobs and beauty queen dreams |
[21 Apr 2009|03:03pm] |
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Yesterday, I officially started work at Miss Earth, strutting the catwalk and preparing for the pageant (haha as if!) doing marketing and research, thanks to Sam's mom, who gave me the job. I know it's a bit crazy to be working this summer, which is supposed to be THE respite after hellish law school, but I took the job anyway because 1) I need to earn some money, 2) I don't want to be idle and 3) I think the experience will be worth it.
True enough, great things come when you least expect. First off, nagulat ako because of the perks. I was really expecting to be treated like an intern but lo and behold...
-the people are super nice and accommodating
-Mich (long time good HS friend I haven't seen in ageees) happens to be my officemate! :)
-they're giving me a car I can use to travel from home to work and vice versa (so wala na akong transpo gastos!)
-free lunch everyday
-freebies from sponsors
-dee-licious meals at hotels
-work is pretty light (versus the everyday ad / law grind)
Then last night we watched the candidates don cultural costumes, which made me appreciate Filipino designers. SOBRANG ganda ng costumes nila. My favorite was a Maria Clara made of recycled plastic. But at the same time, it made me re-think my beauty queen dreams (yes, I actually fantasized about being Miss Universe and changing the world when I was a kid, albeit the serious lack of poise and big hips). Parang worth it ba lahat ng sacrifice/pressure for that glamor? There are other ways to change the world, I suppose. :)
--
4 DAYS 'til we hit the blue shores and white sand of the most overrated beach in the Philippines :D
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| Confessions of Loserness |
[11 Apr 2009|04:38am] |
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Jai Ho! -PCD |
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Just finished cleaning up about 1/4 of my room and discovered how pathetic I was as a child. I flipped open my old wallet and found pictures of Devon Sawa and Cogie Domingo, plus a Barbie fan club membership card. And THEN, I saw a plastic plate and poster featuring F4 (aka the Meteor Garden Boys).. what the hell?! Napaka-jologs ko talaga. If that's not enough, I actually FORGED a letter (dated 1997--meaning I was 12 when I wrote it) supposedly coming from "Teen Beat" magazine, addressed to myself, congratulating ME for "being one of the 10 lucky winners of a trip to meet the stars in Hollywood..." Since there was no Photoshop then, I cut up Jonathan Taylor Thomas' (aka JTT hwahaha) and Andrew Keegan's pictures, pasted them on the letter and photocopied the letter to make it appear as if the pictures were really part of the layout. Whaataaaa. But as saving grace, I distinctly remember that I only did it to show off to my cousin (those were the days of brag wars) -- didn't really expose it to anyone else. :p
Then again, if there's anything wonderful about cleaning up, it's being able to get in touch with your past, and who you ARE as a person. I found all these projects I used to work on -- poetry, art, stories... all kinarir at pinaghirapan. Made me realize that if there's anything I can't compromise, it's being creative. And sometimes I get scared of creativity being suppressed, which is partly why I opted not to get into a full-time job that makes me use art for clients. Because it will always be subject to dictation, and it will always be compromised. Para bang, better to just have it as a hobby, rather than a living -- or something on a project-basis lang. Of course this is just how I feel, and what I learned based on experience. Other people are lucky to be doing art because it's what they're passionate about, and at the same time, get paid for. Ah well... the complexities of life, and so now we press the PAUSE button lest we end up in analysis paralysis. Nonetheless, someday one day I'll get around to publishing that illustrated inspirational storybook ala Trina Paulus / Shel Silverstein.
On a shallower note, I got to watch four movies this week -- finally! --> Slumdog Millionaire (officially addicted to "Jai Ho!"), Shopaholic, Yes Man and Doubt! Grabe ang saya talaga to have so much tiiiiime! :) Savoring every moment and loving it. :)
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| Vacation MODE bebe!! :D |
[01 Apr 2009|02:00am] |
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Just daance.. |
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To the tune of Beatles: "SUN, SUN, SUN HERE I COME!" ♥
Oh yeaaaaaaaaaaah. Can't believe school is over and summer is here! I never thought I'd HAVE another summer vacation since I graduated from college but lo and behold, here we go! :D Two months which I intend to MAX TO THE FULLEST! KEEEE I cannot contain my excitement! hahaha :) *jumps like a repressed idiot on Bacardi*
List of To-Do's:
1) Finally watch SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE, HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, ELI STONE and all 'em eps I sorely missed
2) Finally read NON-LAW related books: Time Traveler's Wife, Can you Keep A Secret?, Power, etc.
3) Hit the beach! BORACAY HERE WE GOOOOO!!!!!!! :D
4) Road trips to everywhere and nowhere! hahaha Baguio, Tagaytay, go go take me there!
5) Host the "Yas Sanchez inuman series" to make up for all the weekend inumans I had to turn down because "I had to study". Disclaimer: KKB. hahaha bahay lang ang pwede kong i-offer.
6) Cook and jog -> Mic, I need your help here!
7) Badminton!!! YEYEYE! Renben lezgoo.
8) MAKE SOME MONEY!!!! --> Work as clerk in Dad's firm, work for Sam's mom/ Miss Earth NGO, garage sale, join cash-based contests, freelance writing/hosting, anything NOT detrimental to dignity
9) Do art! :D
10) Go Rockeoke! Louie patoeeeey?? :D Taralets!
11) Get cervical cancer shots.
12) Clean up room + organize reviewers, cases, etc.
13) Fix phone line and cash transfer.
14) Be financially literate / up to date with our accounts.
15) Dive / wakeboard (if time / resources permit. CRAPOOO I REALLY WANT THIS.)
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. Thank YOU Lord for giving me two months to fix my life! :)
♥
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| pre-finals thoughts. |
[14 Mar 2009|06:49pm] |
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Sleeping to dream about you-J.Mraz |
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Sinabi mo na "walang hustisya sa Pilipinas."
Maraming beses ko na itong narinig, at tuwing naririnig ko ito, napapatigil ako at napapaisip kung BAKIT ko pa rin nga ba pinipiling tahakin itong kakaibang daang ito -- pinipiling mag-aral sa halip na kumita ng pera, at pinupusta ang hinahaharap sa sinasabi nilang "noble and well-respected profession." Ngunit ano na lamang ang mangyayari apat na taon mula ngayon, kapag nariyan na muli sa "totoong mundo" -- sa isang sistemang "walang hustisya?" Natatakot akong maranasan ito, ngunit alam kong hindi ko rin itong pwedeng iwasan.
Nugnit hindi ba't ang HUSTISYA ay nasa pananaw? Kapatid kita, nag-aagawan tayo sa isang bolpen, at sabi ng nanay natin na ibigay ko sa iyo, kasi mas nakababata kitang kapatid. Para sa iyo, nakamtan mo ang hustisya. Para sa akin, napagkait ito. Kung may batas na nagsasabing "in case of sibling rivalry between a movable object, the object shall be granted in favor of the younger sibling," maari nating sabihin na ang nasabing batas ang siyang "pumapantay" sa nasabing sitwasyon. LAW as the great equalizer. Law as the channel to protect the "common good." But does the COMMON GOOD really exist? How does one measure it? It is so easy to speak of it, and yet it is such an abstract concept that only becomes tangible through lapse of time. People will always fight to protect their interests (survival of the fittest) and so it always boils down to HOW to reconcile these. And perhaps, this is where the lawyer comes in. This is where the lawyer SHOULD come in.
Teka bakit bigla akong nag-Ingles? Ano ba 'yan.
Ang gusto ko lang sabihin ay: 1) natatakot ako sa hinaharap at 2) PERO naniniwala akong may dahilan kung bakit ako nandito. Hindi ako napilitan. PINILI ko ito. Pinili kong PUMUSTA, pinili kong maniwala, pinipili kong hindi magsisi, at pinipili ko ang PAGBABAGO. +
Idealistic much? Maybe. But all good things have to start SOMEwhere.
--
Ok, onto studying for finals. And then hello summer to remember. :D
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| Sunday mornin thoughts |
[01 Mar 2009|11:48am] |
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Sleeping to dream about you-J.Mraz |
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The past weeks have been so busy and so intense I've actually forgotten that in the next five days, I'll be turning *drumrooooll and sadness* 24. I know, I should be celebrating, but a part of me shudders at the thought. It's like one year 'til quarter-life. Has time really flown by THAT fast?
The common question that pops up would be "Oh no, what have I done with my life?" and I'm glad to say that I can look back with no regrets. Sure, I missed out on the dream of becoming a millionaire/famous by 20 (haha as if), but I've pretty much been able to seize the day, loved and gotten hurt, made mistakes and stood up again.
And yesterday, it just hit me. I was talking to Dai, who just recently joined the singles club, and I was telling her not to worry because she'll probably meet someone else when she enters law school this year. And she goes, "No, ayoko. I want to be like you. I want to be able to be by MYSELF, and be happy."
Parang wow, no one has ever said that to me before, and it was such a nice compliment. Para bang I don't have to pressure myself to fit into others' expectations.
And in lieu of that, I decided to take advantage of last night by asking God for a sign. And he gave it to me (ang galing lang talaga how FAST he responds).
( so we move on to the next chapter )
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| Rave!!! |
[29 Jan 2009|01:47am] |
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Yahuuuu! They posted my secret on isang sikreto, the local version of postsecret -- the one about gorging in Lily's peanut butter with a spoon. I was bored while studying for the mids so I stopped and did some "Photoshop therapy." Haha :P So much for anonymity. Na-happy lang ako kasi it felt like na-"publish" 'yung isang bagay na ginawa ko dahil trip-trip lang. haha :) So heto, feeling magaling naman ako. Hahahaha. Pagbigyan.
On another note, Chinese New Year 09 has been sweeeell by far. :) I'm beginning to feel that the YEAR OF THE OX aka our (1985 babies') year is really going to be special. Medyo sad lang kasi nag-start 'yung early Jan because of Grandpa's passing, but so far we've been coping naman. Well, mom syempre is having a harder time, but baby steps...
Random happiness: Tikoy is yummy. So is hazelnut gelato at Amici, which tastes like the ice cream version of the inside of a Ferrero chocolate. And so is mushroom-garlic steak at Texas Roadhouse. But nothing beats being with good friends, reminiscing about what was, ranting about what should be, dreaming about what will be, and at the end of the day, just being thankful for what IS. Anyway, the point is I'm just grateful to be where I am right now. :D I can't believe I'm still on a happy paradigm, when all the stress should be knocking the soul out of me. Or maybe it's because HE really does have a plan, and everything is happening for good reason. Oh well, que cera cera! Just keep the love coming, life! :D
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| Today's revelation. |
[21 Jan 2009|12:46am] |
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Goodbye my almost lover |
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January has been a bit of a rough month, having to deal with death and Alzheimer's and an extremely stressed out mother, apart from trying to head butt with midterms and questioning the future and its "stability," and making unnecessary comparisons resulting in unnecessary insecurity. In other words, the culprit was mostly worry and overthinking, as has always been the culprit. I know wala na akong magagawa about certain things but sometimes I just can't help but wonder if it had been the other way around, or if there's something MORE I can do which I am not doing.
But today was a revolution. An old friend came over and opened up about a very serious problem with some legal overtones, and as usual I gave my two-cents, told him how to deal with the situation, and then after that, things somehow fell into place. And we hugged and I just felt super good ending from a morose, to a happier note. And napaisip ako, in a good way, about how this must be a sign. Kasi I always find myself in situations like this, where people just randomly open up to me, and I give advice, and I feel good. Parang all the more it made me excited to one day have a nice, cozy office, and give people legal advice, and at the same time, be like a counselor na rin, and think of creative solutions. Like I don't care kahit gaano pa kalaki problema mo, basta enjoy talaga ako makinig, and syempre mas enjoy kapag nabigyan ng konkretong solusyon 'yung problema. (May just have found "the intersection where my heart's desire and the world's needs meet.")
So thanks for the sign, God. I really really needed this. Now I have an extra push to keep me going. :) I know talaga I can never be as smart and brilliant as dad, pero I'm going to try. Ayoko na magpa-pressure na magTOP ng bar. Ultimately, I really just want to be a good lawyer and help people claim what is due. Make a REAL, lasting difference. Please help me so I won't be blinded by tentative gains, and go instead for the long term genuine ones. :) Thank you.
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| Post-midnight snack thoughts |
[13 Jan 2009|02:40am] |
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Somebody Loved - The Weepies |
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2:00 AM. Once again, an encounter with one of my biggest fears, staring at me from the newly painted white cabinet. The ugly brown evil thing with its disgusting-looking shell and twitching antennae never fails to give me goosebumps. And I always tell myself that one day, I will conquer my fear and crush it to pieces because it is, after all, just a small little brown insect compared to 5'10" old me. But no, I have constantly failed. And the more I convince myself that it will actually transform from an "i-pis" to a "fli-pis" and start flying around me, the more I decide to run instead of attack.
Terrified, I grabbed what was left of Cheese Curls, turned off the lights and headed upstairs.
So much for "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." I retreated without a fight.
Seriously, I need to get rid of these cockroach fantasies, applicable to all other life aspects. Sometimes, all it takes is a trusty slipper and the will to numb oneself of all useless emotions, and with one hit, kill the greater enemy: fear.
To someday one day crushing the cockroach.
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| Rest in peace, Grandpa. |
[04 Jan 2009|01:15am] |
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Albeit the sad title, this is not supposed to be a sad entry.
He died yesterday of prostate cancer, although it did not come as a shocker. We knew it was coming, and he was ready. He wanted to rest. And now he finally has. :) Of course grief is inevitable, and it comes in awful, painful bouts, especially for Grandma who has Alzheimer's... but we'll get through this.
An end is always a beginning.
Here's to Grandpa Virgilio Marquez, the good life he lived, and the wonderful children he left behind. :)
Please include him, and our family in your prayers. Thank you.
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| Final 08 photoshop piece. |
[31 Dec 2008|04:27pm] |
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Snow - VSQ |
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Cheers and goodbye to sexy 2008 -- a year of RISKS, and amazing rewards :)
The ending is the beginning of another year of even BIGGER RISKS, with an Attitude to boot...
Only way to get what you want is to FIGHT for it.
Bring it on life.
3-year luck jump + Year of the Ox? Possibly Will be explosive.
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| Christmas 2008 |
[25 Dec 2008|08:33pm] |
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Bittersweet Symphony |
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Me: "Manang, dumating na ba yung regalo ko?"
Manang: "Yung ano?"
Me: "Yung regalo ko. Yung lalake na hiningi ko kay Santa..."
Manang: *laughter*
Me: "Manang seryoso akooo!!! Paki-akyat nalang sa room ko ha... pero 'pag panget pakitapon nalang. Saka pag-gago pakitapon rin. Saka 'pag taken pakitapon na rin..."
Manang: "Yas...ayaw mo ba si Brian?"
WAHHHHHHH. Brian is one of my closest gay friends / next-door neighbor. Hayyy. :p Life is crazy.
On a more serious tone, Christmas this year is different. Already anxious Mom is in an even more anxious mood, because Grandpa has Stage 5 Cancer. That means no Christmas reunion, Cebu trip cancelled and Christmas at the hospital. I don't mind because there's no one to blame, really, but somehow I just wish things were cheerier. Wish I could just tell Mom to breathe and relax but even if I've said that a BILLION times, she never seems to stop worrying. I guess I have no choice but to concede to the fact that "stress" is really ingrained in her system, and choose to look the other way instead. Dad has a better way of seeing things - "Circle of life, baby! At the end of the day, you just make the most of what you have."
Then again, who am I to complain about this "slightly melancholic" Christmas? At least we still got to dig in a fantastic Noche Buena (with Santi's Ham!), tear open presents and spend the Holidays as a family. Because really, that's all I want for Christmas. :)
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| Unang Bangga. |
[11 Dec 2008|09:53pm] |
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Lovebug -Jonas Brothers |
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Today I had my first "car accident" and it was funny because I got hit by a tricycle. And what's even funnier is that there were no scratches. Basically I was just stuck in traffic when this trike inched close to my right side. So I halted. The trike, however, moved forward, and the hook on its lower left portion somehow managed to edge itself on the inner part of my car's front bumper, such that it actually PUSHED the bumper forward and the ENTIRE THING fell off. :p As in with plate number, lights and all. Hahahaha kaloka. And we discovered that the damn thing didn't even have any SCREWS inside to secure the bumper (may SCREW HOLES pero WALANG SCREWS!!!!), so I partly blame Toyota. Bakit ganon??! I am still puzzled until now. So much for SAFE driving. Funny lang kasi we lifted and re-attached the bumper afterward, and it didn't even look like it had fallen off...parang LEGO / Transformers lang. Pero 'yun nga, hindi na siya secure and it still needs to be checked.
In any case, thanks to Dad's excellent negotiation skills (affidavit signing and all that crappity) plus the trike driver's kindness and willingness to admit his mistake (thank God he was willing to wait for Dad to come save us, whilst we hazard parked on the side of the road), it was settled without much ado.
So lesson learned: Huwag nang pagpilitan makipag-gitgitan sa traffic. HARRRRR. :S
* Off tangent, EP 13 of GOSSIP GIRL s02 was definitely kilig-inducing. ♥
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| Slow and steady |
[04 Dec 2008|08:54pm] |
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To be human means to THINK and to FEEL, and yet often times, to get to where you want to be, there is a need to know when NOT to think and when NOT to feel. To choose to have to hurt, in order not to be hurt. "To employ force in order to prevent the employment of force" (per H. Kelsen). To saturate the guilt with justification, so as to move forward. The tough part, for an emphatic, emotional person, is making that choice and DOING it.
Boo to long and winding traffic jams and a ton of free cuts. Makes you dip your toes into the "evil side" AKA over-thinking. :p
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| The Standards Test |
[16 Nov 2008|08:25pm] |
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Motion One - Fell in love without you |
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"Why set standards when you know that 'the one' will always be an exception?"
So goes this cheesy quote (supra) I remember reading back in high school. Realistically speaking though, it is but inevitable for us to have standards. Having standards though, can be both a bane and a boon. If a company were to test a product and it fails to meet those tests, the product goes to the garbage can. No ifs, no buts. That merits a stamp of "quality assurance." But what about people? Do we have a right to reject people because they do not meet our standards? Or does innate human goodness require us to look beyond? Sometimes, the answer is simple -- "If you don't see yourself with him, huwag mo na paasahin. Just ditch him before it's too late. Bakit niyo pa pahihirapan ang isa't isa?"
But sometimes, I cannot help but envy those people who chose to wait a little, to see beyond. People who acknowledge their 'significant others' flaws, but love those flaws anyway, and are now happily "in relationships." Lately, I've been rather judgmental about everything, so much so that when it comes to dating / meeting the opposite sex, I cannot help but be affected by anything that repulses me, small or big. And it automatically merits a rejection. And I look at myself and think, "who the hell am I to set standards, imperfect as I am? Hellllloo." I don't want to give myself less than I deserve, nor expect more than I should. But where do you draw the line? Is it simply about "balancing it out?" I certainly don't want to wake up one day realizing that I sat around waiting for Prince Charming when I was never destined to be with him anyway. Ha-- jaded! :P But in any case, I'd like to believe that you only get what you wish for, kaya nga libre at tama lang mangarap.
Anyway, just some random thoughts following a recent spur of events. Maybe I just need to sit back and let things happen for once... :)
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| On parental authority |
[03 Nov 2008|03:24am] |
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Lucky - Jason Mraz / Colbie Caillat |
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"the innocent days"
Straddling between independence and parental authority -- this is the post-grad, grad studies life.
You are way past the age of majority (aka 18) which means you are supposedly "emancipated," ergo free from parental control, and yet you know you are not because you are still living under their roof, NOT earning money and dependent on their income for your survival. It is both comforting and uncomfortable, really. You don't need to work because you're being given allowance anyway, and yet the allowance, which substitutes as a salary, is not enough. Yes, your basic needs are covered, but how about savings (the food in Rockwell is an allowance guzzler), nice clothes, shoes, gimmick/travel expenses and whatnot? Don't get me wrong, I'm not the type to splurge on "things that aren't necessary" but once in awhile you'd like to treat yourself to something good, especially if you feel that you deserve it.
And it's not like I can say "Ma pahingi ng pera, bibili ako ng damit / shoes" because really, the guilt eats me. I feel like I'm too old to be asking for these things, especially since they're already paying for my post-grad tuition when they aren't even obliged to. Sending 4 kids to college is enough.
Sure, I know that when I start working, I'll be able to hopefully make up for the 4 years of bank account stagnancy, but the impatient part of me just wants to be able to earn again. To be productive. To NOT have to ask for money.
Anyway, the most I can do is get a summer job (thank you Sam!), join the lottery, become a hand/foot/leg model and hope to the heavens that by some other stroke of luck, my bank account will magically generate passive income whilst I concentrate on school. Jess, can you help me with that part please?
On a happier note, most of my "sembreak to do's" have been crossed out. The only thing left is you-know-what. So this better be an exciting last pre-2nd sem week... ;-)
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